Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Tell me what to do.
I'm trying hard to get outta the state i'm currently at.
But everytime i thought i've got over it,
It'll only be a few days and everything seems back to square again.
Wells.
It's just this mixture of crazy feelings.
I've gotta do my appeals, think about my admission, think about what i really want to do, find job, go interviews, arrange all my schedules properly..driving,sim,job,camp etc etc.
I know everyone have to go through this.
But why are mine all together?
It feels as though i gotta do this crazy choices all together at one time.
Yea i know what i need to do.
Go find job, go gain exposure.
Roger-ed that.
But you dont know what's going through my mind, do you?
Yea if i've found a job, it'll be just this one month plus i'll need to push my revision driving lessons, plus i hope to go church camp...so you tell me what i should do?
Yea just go along and bluff my employer that i got such disastrous results that im not going uni and im gonna do the job forever.
That will do the job.
Yea, i did what you wanted.
I went into your room, just wanted to talk to you but again i got scolded, got screamed at.
Wow that's it.
You told me you aint disappointed about my results.
You told me sim's at least still an university.
You told me university doesn't mean anything.
You told me just decide on the course i like to do.
But still you didnt like me going sim, didnt you?
And you were just saying all that for the sake of saying?
Wells, im practically just wasting my time away.
Doing housework? playing nonsense games? spending my days just lidat again.
Im not moving.
Yea i gotta do this i gotta do that.
I know it all.
Alright perhaps im really going crazy.
Or im just plain stupid.
No solutions. No plans. No nothing.
Im just trying to do everything you wanted me to.
Im just trying my best to not make you worry again.
Im just trying my best to be normal.
Wells. i just wanna be really frank with you Lord.
I'm angry, im depressed, i cant seem to control my emotions, i cant stop thinking/having nightmares about me going crazy, i feel bitterness, im cynical, im pessimistic, im procrastinating, im disappointed, im faithless, im having sucidal thoughts, im a coward, im a crybaby...
Alright.
I don't like the way im feeling and i know it's wrong, but i've got no solutions.
Tell me what to do o' Lord.
It seems as though im only the one going through all these.
It feels like im the only one who constantly needs help?
I dont understand.
I seriously dont.
Reject these thoughts?
Stop avoiding and do the stuffs, even when it seems hard.
Face it?
Sit down and think carefully?
BLAHBLAHBLAH.
12:31 AM Back to top
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