bible study supposedly today
but.....
mum kinda starts to wunder
y i always fri go out le
haiz....
so no bible study 4 me today
why m i always this odd 1
or even this exceptionally special 1???
sum tyms i reali wan to ask
dear lord....
wad things you hab in mind when u
arranged me to be here in this pathetic family?
cuz i dun c a reason to be here
y will other parents accept the fact
tad their child is growing up and hab their own religion beliefs?
y cant my dad be like the other's dad?

sumhow past memories crept back again
the part during pri skul and the part during sec2
both jus b4 my impt exams
perhaps im jus so afraid of losing........
losing sumthings tad i wan to treasure 4ever
afraid of facing the many problems again
the very 1st tym i faced it bravely
overcoming my emotions and get down to study hard
and i succeeeded
but...the 2nd tym it came jus so suddenli again
i fell back and realised im tired.
real tired.
if its gonna happen again.
perhaps i'll jus be a stupid coward and ignore everything


last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day u threw it away
this year,
to save me from tears i'll gib it to some1 special


this christmas i hav decided to keep it jus so deep inside me
so tad no1 will ever find it..
anyway evry yr on this day i'll be grounded at home too
no parties. no counting down. no going out to orchard rd.no returing home late
nothing.


im just afraid of losing it.





okie wads wid me
wads wrong wid me
they got the right to not let me know
so wad am i doing here feeling sad
wells..its happening again
and again
feeling so left out
feeling so....eww
feeling so....fucked up

ah wells its my problem
right inside...no1 will ever understand
am i realli tad in-confide-able?
or is jus a passer-by tad will nvr mean anithing to ani1
its jus a odd feeling u get
sumtyms u feel ur in******
the next moment ppl denied ur presence
am i ever existing here?
frustrations driving crazy again...
is the whole thing jus out to cheat me again?!!!?!
izzit a scheming plot out to catch me again?
cuz im being beaten back to the deep well
tad i tried so hard climbing
jus tad few steps to the top
and sum1 threw a boulder in pushing u back
to the deep waters again nvr to c light.
perhaps im jus spiritually hungry.
or perhaps im just thinking too much.
or perhaps its the fear in me
maybe


there once i felt so nice
tad i realli felt tad im on clouds nine
wid lotsa company
sun.moon.stars.rainbow.
it seems so heart warming to c ppl caring 4 this pathetic cloud
being abandoned by all the others
but soon it felt so outta place again
as it realised they nvr even treated her as their friend
or part of them

the worst thing came
when the poor cloud soon realised
its just part of the scheming plot again
tad she tot she will nvr meet again



frustrations in me;u'll nvr be able to see.

sp
220190