Thursday, December 04, 2008
I hate sleeping.
I hate those nightmares.
11:58 PM Back to top
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
To ask, or not to ask.
The 'right' moment??
Earning brownie points to keep me at the best position when i pop the question.
Deduction of almost all brownie points simply cause i didn't want to cut my hair =.=
Tell him the reason?
How about i haven't even told him i've been going to church and becoming a christian... let alone...the issue on the hair=.=
Going for equipping lessons? DCD camp?
Yea..all the pending permission thingys..........
When is ever the 'right' moment?
Like it never comes.
Everytime it felt as though it's the 'right' moment..then something must crop up.
Oh wells.
Tell me what to do.
I don't wanna think already.
11:59 PM Back to top
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Hysterically insane.
I need tonnes lot of brownie points.
But even if i do earn that lot...the probability of every request being approved is still quite low...
I don't know...perhaps i got tired of myself...having to ask everytime to go church or rather more of lying simply cuz i want to go church...
Many said 'you're lying for a decent reason what..'
But so..it still sums up to betraying his trust on me..
Everytime i lied, it haunts me alot.
And when i say alot, it's really a lot...
Sometimes beyond what i can handle..
Blame it on my myopic scope. Blame it on my 'thinking-too-much' syndrome. Blame it on my useless self. Blame it on my low-self esteem.....
Oh whatever it is...
How i wish i can get over and be done with it.
Ask straightaway, right away.
Save the thinking and if he says no again..
I guess i'll jolly well obey and not lie anymore.
As much as i wanna be there, im more sick of myself being a big fat liar already.
@!#@^%&^%)&*$^&^#$!$#%#@%^#^#@%$#
So much for trying...in the end i'll still prolly be left out.
Oh wells.
It feels like crap when you gotta ask every single thing..
Even if ppl don't find me a nuisance..i find myself being one.
And a huge one.
Haven't been doing much of my daily logos or even bible reading..
Yea i know it shouldn't be so and yea guilt is building up.
Guess i've forced myself too much to meet up with ridiculous standards i set for myself that i got so tired of failing it that i don't wanna even try.
I know this isn't from God.
But wells..devil you've won...yea and so what?
I don't see myself anywhere there anymore.
Ain't you happy? happy happy happpy?!!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!
Thank you for all the nightmares you gave me.
They felt so real.
Say im an idiot, a dimwit, a weakling, a disappointment or whatever you call.
It doesn't matter anymore.
Yea. i know.
I've broken someone's heart again.
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
11:15 PM Back to top
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