well..im realli tired..both mentalli n physicalli... went to grandma's hse...n bbq...jus came back n here i m bloggin rite now...saw my little ang moh cousin...his eyes r much more bigger now n havin tad ah ah ah sound...still can tok....hes like 8 mths old...hes jus so cute n hyper active...climbin all the wae to my dad's car roof...[started frm the boot]n every1 was jus treatin him like a little star.. oh ya...still got my dam fkin asshole sis....i jus hate her to core...wadeva..sae i bloggin wu liao...oh pls lo...she oso wanted a blog...so shes wu liao too???i believe her chattin online is much more wu liao lo....jus hate her....fk of...!! well back to the problem...well tok to ruixian todae...shes told me she actualli dun wanna cum...well....when i tok to her i can jus seriousli c the others[clar members]lookin @ me..well i dun realli noe wads the reason 4 them to jus dun like her or even hates her to core...but shes jus our sl..where is the clar section tad we used to hab??well...haiz...i tot every1 jus wanted her to b sl n sae they will support her??i dunno....when i tok to her...her face got tad 'bei ai' jus like wad i hab...they ask me if i side her??well i jus dunno hu to side n hu to blief animore...im jus tired of everything...dun wanna waste more tears cryin over tis...i had enuff...n i cried enuff for those daes...i jus wanna to get my results well so tad i wun regret it afta the streaming...im jus neutral n i wun side ani1...wen,lily,ya ju and ruixian will all b my normal fren...even if they dun treat me as 1...cuz i jus dun wanna think animore..hus rite n hus rong...i nvr sae i m nt rong...but i jus dun wanna care...im jus totalli worn out...n jus wanted to find sum1 to tok to...n frm wad i noe they will nvr b the persons ard 4 me to tok to animore...n frm wad i c ruixian is oso loneli...jus like me...i noe this will b tough but i will get tru............... HUS GD HUS BAD??GOD CAN U TELL ME???I REALLI DUN NOE...IM JUS PLAIN TIRED...N DUN WANNA CARE ANIMORE...I MISSED THOSE DAES WID THE SEC4S ARD...I REALI MISS THEMM..THINGS WERENT LIDAT WHEN THEY WERE ARD...[THE WORN-OUT ME.......................]





yea...todae is 3 sep...last dae of term 3 n when tis hols cum...its tym 4 sumthing...well had quite a few hw n most importantli i nid to study 4 this holidaes...well cant b bothered to think abt anithing animore...aniwae theres nth i can do too in the 1st place... welll...i dun hus gd to me n hus bad to me now i dunno how to differentiate..well i shld let the party be xx n the other b yy... well...dunno y suddenli 1 dae xx was so nice to me...paid attention to me n was still tryin to comfort me...i was suprise n dun even noe it was true or not...well theres jus too much things happening...the matter is nt as simple as i tot...tad it onli concerns me...i dunno...den afta tad yy cum n tell me xx n them were jus preparin letter...but yy refused....haiz....i dunno how to sae...dun sae le....im jus blurting more things out....haiz i shall nt care abt tad alreadi....let nature takes its place...if they bu shuang me den let it be...i dun hab ani jing li to thing abt animore things...i rite now jus wanna chiong....chiong towards my goal...study 4 the best results i can get...well i may b dreaming...but tads my dream...and i think i can make it jus like wad i did during p5....when theres quite a same situation like now....but now is just much more complicated...haiz.... aniwae me tml goin bbq....yea!!!but @ my grandma's[father side]hse...so it equals to sian 1/2....haiz...but nvd i goin to c my cousin....my ang moh cousin...whahah....i mean mixed blood...hmm...jus dun wanna think animore..its jus gettin worst n worst...havin more ppl into it... saw wen's blog too..although i dunno wads the piaaa..but it sure has its meaning... WHY MUZ THERE ALWAEZ HAV TO B SUM1 SUFFERING?????CANT WE ALL HAB A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP??NT LEAVIN ANI1 OUT..ALONE @ THE SIDE???CAN TIS HAPPEN??????????????????I DUN NOE....................................................





well..its teachers dae n im @ hme...actualli wanted to go watch face wid huiching n sum others but haiz...den im @ hme feelin bored n doin nth else but like watchin tv n doin hw...n revisin... haiz went to her blog again...i noe its my fault but its like i nvr wanted to be asl or sumthing or replacing her...im jus saein i wld prefer siru to her...i nvr even think of any hope of being sl n asl n i noe they r the most suitable ppl....well i noe its like no1 will blief me but its like shes oso puttin words into my mouth.....i nvr even sae im the best or wad....but well...its like i too wanna jus bang my head against the wall n even cry out loud...i noe its of no use cryin over spilt milk but haiz... shes rite now online...shld i jus tok to her n clarify things??or jus let it be...n i continue to not face the reality??i dun noe......well i jus think if i were reali to tok to her it will jus make her to hate me even more....i noe she hates me to core......wishin i can jus dissapear frm this planet earth...but haiz...shld i quit band??but i realli love plaein clar...n even if i quit where can i go??wad cca i can go to??well i dun no...streaming exams are jus cumin...shld i continue to think of these things or jus concentrate on my work n forget abt it...but well i cant possibly think nth has happened...n i oso noe they can take it as nth had happened too..but haiz...shld i tok to her or shld i not??can ani1 tell me??i noe 4 those i hab hurt im jus a hyprocrite..im jus an idiot...a arsehole...or even a bitch...but haiz......wads done its done...i dun expect much frm them but now tad i noe the truth...i jus wanna change...mayb when i reali change into another me den tad will be the tym they will accept me again...but shld i tok to her???i sent a email yesterdae...did she recieve it??or even she jus deleted it widout even lookin wads its contents??shld i tok to her rite now shes online??haiz........





well..its teachers dae n im @ hme...actualli wanted to go watch face wid huiching n sum others but haiz...den im @ hme feelin bored n doin nth else but like watchin tv n doin hw...n revisin... haiz went to her blog again...i noe its my fault but its like i nvr wanted to be asl or sumthing or replacing her...im jus saein i wld prefer siru to her...i nvr even think of any hope of being sl n asl n i noe they r the most suitable ppl....well i noe its like no1 will blief me but its like shes oso puttin words into my mouth.....i nvr even sae im the best or wad....but well...its like i too wanna jus bang my head against the wall n even cry out loud...i noe its of no use cryin over spilt milk but haiz... shes rite now online...shld i jus tok to her n clarify things??or jus let it be...n i continue to not face the reality??i dun noe......well i jus think if i were reali to tok to her it will jus make her to hate me even more....i noe she hates me to core......wishin i can jus dissapear frm this planet earth...but haiz...shld i quit band??but i realli love plaein clar...n even if i quit where can i go??wad cca i can go to??well i dun no...streaming exams are jus cumin...shld i continue to think of these things or jus concentrate on my work n forget abt it...but well i cant possibly think nth has happened...n i oso noe they can take it as nth had happened too..but haiz...shld i tok to her or shld i not??can ani1 tell me??i noe 4 those i hab hurt im jus a hyprocrite..im jus an idiot...a arsehole...or even a bitch...but haiz......wads done its done...i dun expect much frm them but now tad i noe the truth...i jus wanna change...mayb when i reali change into another me den tad will be the tym they will accept me again...but shld i tok to her???i sent a email yesterdae...did she recieve it??or even she jus deleted it widout even lookin wads its contents??shld i tok to her rite now shes online??haiz........





haiZ...im back frm skul...yea todae teachers dae jus came back frm cps.... well...todae was like we got activities den no lessons...got captains ball,bball,vball n mani others la...woah..siying n chinghong went to plae bbal sia...i dun dare...i scarli cat..cuz got so mani seniors there....den is like so paiseh lo....so long nvr blog liao...cuz blogspot got sumthing rong...eh dam blog now suddenli can blog liao.... went back to klass n change into skul u....den suddenli ming en ask me y i m like got sum bad imprssion on keli??den i was like huh??wad did i do?but well did nt have anithing on her wad...actualli i oso dun even noe her well...n how did she get to noe me???hmmm... well...afta tad got assembly programmes....wow...2p got the best notice board klass siaa....wahahah...feelin guilty...i onli helped to cut paper nia...hehe...n oso shift sumthing la...done nth much...well den the skul dam kaim sia gib us toberone...each person 1 tweeny winy piece nia...but nvd at least 2p got win sia...hmmm...den got other awards....its like mdm koh won!!1n we were like standing up in the hall out of no where....hehe.. hm....den afta tad went to cps to c teachers....but haiz...mani teachers all retire liao...so pathetic....den tad dam canteen got nth to eat n nth to drink sia...hmm well i jus feel tad wen n gee is now ignorin me...or in the sense tad tad kind of jus to fu yan wo lidat...haiz dunno 4 wad reason...i jus cant stop myself frm thinkin abt it...haiz...m i tearin apart frm my section??i dunno...but aniwae thx ruixian 4 nt ignorin me...haiz...mayb im the outcaste??but well...dun wanna think abt it...i noe im jus like tryin to run awae frm the reality...but haiz... oh welll last sat went to plae bballl afta band...wah liew...my bballl nearli kannna crashed!!!!ewww....den its like my balll i was like bouncin den sudddenli it hit the drain side den rolled to the road....wah liew...lucki sia...it was still red lights....n i got my ball back...phew....was n unforgetable experience...lol...can rite compo liao....oh welll....yesterdae nite i jus got a strange dream...a deary 1...abt when i go a shoppin centre den all ws full of monsters cumin afta me!!!!so frightening sia.... well...jus came across sum1s blog ba...did read the blog n did read the 1 tad she wanted me to read....so now i understand tads when they started to bu li wo ba...welll its like i did sae to wen...sae to her tad i wld prefer siru to u but its like i nvr even sae i deserve the sl nor the asl position or wad...its like i dun even sae im the best or wad...n i did go 4 sectionals....yes i agree i do appear to b tad kind of dun reali listen or wad 1 but its like afta tad i do take ur opinions to mind....i noe i do plae veri loud....but its like tads wad i m....but its like when u sae abt me....i do think u did sae sumthing bad abt me too....i nvr even think tad im beta den u or wad n i noe u r much beta den me in plaein clar n ya i noe i plae like shit but its like arent we suppose to learn arent u lidat when in the process of learning...yes i do agree im kinda zi da n its like during the tym when was like tokin to wen n lily at the compass point mrt...i did told them tis is my weakness for nt gettin well wid frens n i do noe tad..but it takes time to change as its like my character..its like not easy to change ones character.....den afta u being the asl i did not even sae anithing abt u not gd or wad liao....i did accept it....n i can c clearli tad every comment u wrote its 4 me...n i noe tad...alrite im the devil n the onli devil of cedar symphonic band clar section....ok its me...well its my fault...ok its my fault....but im nt a perfect person n i blief theres no 1 in the whole is the perfect 1............................u may think im jus actin ke lian ba.........but its like its true tad theres no perfect peroson in the whole rite world...alrite its my fault for bein zi da but welll its does takes to change...........i noe no1 will blief me as 4 now but reali did nt even think of being an sl or asl...haiz.............

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