Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Hysterically insane.
I need tonnes lot of brownie points.
But even if i do earn that lot...the probability of every request being approved is still quite low...
I don't know...perhaps i got tired of myself...having to ask everytime to go church or rather more of lying simply cuz i want to go church...
Many said 'you're lying for a decent reason what..'
But so..it still sums up to betraying his trust on me..
Everytime i lied, it haunts me alot.
And when i say alot, it's really a lot...
Sometimes beyond what i can handle..
Blame it on my myopic scope. Blame it on my 'thinking-too-much' syndrome. Blame it on my useless self. Blame it on my low-self esteem.....
Oh whatever it is...
How i wish i can get over and be done with it.
Ask straightaway, right away.
Save the thinking and if he says no again..
I guess i'll jolly well obey and not lie anymore.
As much as i wanna be there, im more sick of myself being a big fat liar already.
@!#@^%&^%)&*$^&^#$!$#%#@%^#^#@%$#
So much for trying...in the end i'll still prolly be left out.
Oh wells.
It feels like crap when you gotta ask every single thing..
Even if ppl don't find me a nuisance..i find myself being one.
And a huge one.
Haven't been doing much of my daily logos or even bible reading..
Yea i know it shouldn't be so and yea guilt is building up.
Guess i've forced myself too much to meet up with ridiculous standards i set for myself that i got so tired of failing it that i don't wanna even try.
I know this isn't from God.
But wells..devil you've won...yea and so what?
I don't see myself anywhere there anymore.
Ain't you happy? happy happy happpy?!!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!
Thank you for all the nightmares you gave me.
They felt so real.
Say im an idiot, a dimwit, a weakling, a disappointment or whatever you call.
It doesn't matter anymore.
Yea. i know.
I've broken someone's heart again.
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
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