was ought to be a fine dae 4 me.... i studied chinese till 3am in the morning... i tot it will be a good dae for me... but apparently its not......... i hate todae.... i hate it to core......... theres jus so mani reasons to it... tad piles up to my load....... n im jus fallin down afta every load....... or even im alreadi rite deep inside......... n is jus left to die....... the onli choice to end the misery is none other den..... sucidal... for todae i had more slashes...on my wrists... i hate those ppl hu made my life miserable....especially.... tad idiotic fat arse hole!!!!!!!!none other den my fat ass dad.... u beta die far awae.... if not im goin to tear u up in thousand pieces.... n u will nvr be in peace!!!! goin to sch wid a tired mind.... unfortunateli caught by teacher 4 slpin... i didnt mean to.....i swear tis was my 1st tym.... i was reali tired...worn out by many things.... went for joggin as usual.......i shouted my lungs out......... tryin to avoid being sad todae.... the cheerful me is jus a fake cover outside me....... im realli broken......... went to band.... didnt wan to show ani of my personal probs.... but jus showed it in the senseless way... dun ask me y i luff dun ask me y i cry..... cuz i dun even noe it myself....or even im a living corpse....a zombie...... i hate this world....i hate it........... music makes me happy....plaein clarinet blows away my sadness....... but it can jus take awae so little...tad will nvr cover the big wound........ theres jus so much probs to trouble abt......im tired....very tired... sum1 help me............. evry word every tear....pls wash awae my misery...... was suppose to be a happy dae...cuz todae was the last dae to tests 4 the wk...... but totalli wasnt.... had my dinner earli way b4 he reach hme... jus wanted to drink some soup.... didnt had it jus now... u dun like me in the rm.... fine i go down watch tv...1hr... relax den wanted to do hw.... sis cam back... went out to eat.... mirki bark..... but soon was quiet.... den afta show he came down........ in an absolutely idiotic manner.. hes a dictator... under his grasp.......... im goin to suffocate......... mirki bark again when he came down....he blamed me 4 not bringing her to toilet... the prob isnt tad... he jus came down call me go close door let her walk.... i was jus abt to stand up... when he started scolding again.... sae me lazy or wadeva..........was kinda restin...cant i even hab my rest tym??? i alreadi came down jus to avoid u...y r u still afta me??? fine i go close door... jus as i walked up the stairs.........he sae y nvr bring her to toilet again... den i was like saein when u haben come down she was perfectly fine.....which was true......... den he scolded me again...........wadeva..........sae wad i bookworm...idiot all sorts of things... i had enuff.......n even wanting to beat me??? wad mistakes did i do??? is layin down in ur own hse living rm a crime??? jus becuz u hab difficulties in ur job doesnt gib u the power to scold us.... we r humans too... u dun like ppl scoldin u... den dun do it to me!!! im not ur puppet!!!! dun drive me the way u wan... im a human i got my way of thinkin n feelins too!!!!!!!!!!!! the stress 4 the past few daes tests is alreadi drivin me crazy n u?? instead of helpin.....ur jus addin on to my load.....drivin me to the wall........................ so wad if u earn the most in the world........u hab tad bad attitude............ so wad if ur sucessful in ur job........widout a proper attitude..........u still failed as a person... a human being..........I HATE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 this entry i cried again.......y m i landin in this state?? y shld i be here??? i suddenli got the urge to end it rite here........ the slashes are deeper...
EVEN IF U EARN THE WHOLE WORLD'S MONEY... EVEN UR THE RICHEST PERSON.... U STILL FAILED AS A PERSON... CUZ U JUS GOT SUM ROTTEN ATTITUDE....... MAYBE ONLI TILL THE DAE I DIE..WILL DEN BE NO MORE SUFFERINGS............

sp
220190